And As She Opens Her Eyes...

This is what she sees.

I think about you. Too much.

I think about what might have been, what is now.

I think about what has changed, if you still want to be a nurse, or would stop me from leaving.

I wonder if you ever read this anymore and just don't post back, like the entries your bf told me you read together.

I wonder if i ever haunt you, in waking or in dreaming, or if you ever forgave me, or believed that i forgave you.

There is such distance now, not only from you and i, but from my other friends, or old friends, as well.

I'm curious if you ever listen to "If Only" or any of the other songs we talked about.

I hope you're spending the majority of your days laughing and not crying.

I wonder if you ever wrote to me again, but never sent it, just as i have done. The envelopes still sit at the bottom of my draw.

Better yet, do you ever read my replies again? I know i read yours for a while, but had to stop because i could smell you a the more through them.

Did you ever want your key back?

Midnight blubbering. Best title ever.

I feel, cut off. Like.. Not a soul knows me anymore, or remembers me. I wonder if it is fixable.

We have new girls at work. Alot of new girls. Even an old friend's sister is on the list. I feel sorry for the girl. It seems she's picked on by total strangers because of her family. Alot of the girls are older than me. Im worried.

One kitten is gone, Ginger. I'm hoping she looks after him, he is such a lovely cat. Now there is only the lovely black kitten ive nicknamed Twi and the temperamental tortoise shell female. She takes after her mother.


If I had words to make a day for you, I'd sing a morning golden & true I would make this day last for all time then fill the night deep with moonshine

If I could make a day for you I'd give you a morning golden & true I would make this day last for all time.. then fill the night deep with moonshine.


I'm sick. Very sick.

I'm under weight, and still dropping. This is not a case of counting or vomiting or starving myself. This is a case where my body is so badly screwed up and spun around that i can eat and eat and i still lose it.

I'm scared.

I have never been this small for my height, and it's taking its tole.

I cant walk far, run at all or even stand without fainting or coming close to it most days. I've had an incident at work already and come close to the same a few more times.

My body is eating itself.

I need sleep. Badly. Notte.

Memories.. Oh how i hate you. Oh how i love you. I need these memories more than i like to admit..


Every time our eyes meet
This feeling inside me
Is almost more than I can take
Baby when you touch me
I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away
I've never been this close to anyone or anything
I can hear your thoughts
I can see your dreams

I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I want to spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you

The smell of your skin
The taste of your kiss
The way you whisper in the dark
Your hair all around me
Baby you surround me
You touch every place in my heart
Oh, it feels like the first time, every time
I want to spend the whole night in your eyes

Every little thing that you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I want to spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you


Been thinking too much again, on someone that is truly happy and gone. I keep telling myself that i always do this, always miss what once was and what could have been. So maybe i will convince myself one day.


Closed off from love
I didn't need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you're frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone's looking round
Thinking I'm going crazy

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing's greater than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

And it's draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I'll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see

I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love


I wonder if our worlds will ever really, properly involve one another again? Oh how silly the teenage years can be.


We shall see who I drag screaming to hell with me.


Ever had that feeling where you didn't know if you're in love or simply just want to leap on them when no one is near and see if they'll kiss you back or slap you and scream?

I am so bloody tempted.

A simple brush of her fingers on my hip when she passes has me fighting for breath. An accidental brush of the hand when passing things back and forth sends my mind reeling. Even her playful winks have me making double takes.

I wonder if it is possible to want someone this bad without really knowing if they'll take you? Well now.. Silly me. I've spent six years chasing a girl that has admitted that she'll kiss me, sure! .. If she was drunk enough. I always pick the straight ones haha..

My heart is open. It is there for the taking, no matter the pain, mental or physical. I'm all yours.

Im finding myself checking back here way too often. I guess i figured if we couldn't talk via the social network, or device wise, that you'd come here. Nothing.

Maybe its more simple than that? Maybe its just that. That you dont want to talk to me, dont want to try. Which is fine, i dont blame you, ive become.. different. Like that simple year helped me grow up more than the 18 before it. I think more, smile more, laugh more, look forward more, look back more. Ive found myself thinking of children, of my own children. Ive never thought like such. It scares me some days, and others it makes me more happy than anything. I find that i crave a child, someone that will always be mine, through the sun and rain, someone i can cry for and cry with, constantly talk to and about, someone to share my life with and for me to hold their life above all.. Why do i think like this?

Its been four days since my uncles and aunts' 2 year anniversary. I thought of them constantly, but didnt shed a single tear. I think if my thoughts are distracted enough, ill be able to get through next years as well. Without a guilty feeling.

"She ran until her face was numb with cold and
wore a cotton gown that blazed the night untold.
She ran until her feet refused to hold
so heavy a heart for someone merely ten years old.
And when she reached the river her knees began to shiver,
her head with pounding voices from home.
Behind her was a vision, a painful apparition
of a darker world that no-one should know.

Somebody's bed will never be warm again,
the river will keep this friend.
Yeah somebody's bed will never be warm again,
no never again.

She dived beneath the water's icy skin,
hoping the cold would kill the smell of angry gin,
and her eyes grew wider than they'd ever been
just wishing the numbness to cut deeper with its pins.
And as her body lay there she decided to stay there
till darkness came to pull her away.
And beautifully she sank as up river was the bank
where some bodiless troubles would stay.

Somebody's bed will never be warm again,
the river will keep this friend.
somebody's bed will never be warm again,
no never again.

Somebody's bed will never be warm again,
the river will keep this friend.
somebody's bed will never be warm again,
no never again."

Why didn't you ever ask for your key back? I had discussed it with her, but she decided that it was your gift and i should return it when you asked for it.

I doubt you could have forgotten it completely, it used to be on your bag, and then in your bag. So it was there..

"How wonderful life is, now you're in the world."

Been watching Moulin Rouge lately, which has reminded me of him, whom is doing a good job in making sure he doesn't slip my mind again. I believe im the only one at work that knows him well, and doesn't have to drink with him to get there. But i still get protective, especially of those that try and pick at him when his back is turned. I wonder why that is.

Im not one to be looking for a relationship, but i am amazed by the women around me most of the week.

I had a good friend walk towards me at work, she saw me but i was out of it again. I simply saw her bright hair and felt her hand on my stomach before she'd continued on into the store. Im not entirely sure why but it kept me smiling and happy throughout the night, and i still smile just thinking back. Maybe its the feeling of not being forgotten, or the feeling of her hand. Maybe its the simple gratitude of that one moment of touch, the memories it brought back, the feelings, just to know im still here, and no matter her life now, there was once a moment when she fully enjoyed my company and me.

The girls at work go out of their way to help me, teach me. It lightens my heart, to still be able to make friends of such meaning, and the kind that dont need anything in return but never turn down help back either.

Its a pure, innocent thing where we all have each others back.

I had a dream that i watched my most adored there get hit by a man twice the size of her while walking towards the noise she must have heard too. they were threatening her more and more while she lay sprawled on the ground, i had just got there when he was advancing again, with three more men of his size behind him. i stood between her and them making sure they couldn't get past, not doing anything. so instead i got the physical abuse, by the end of it, and with her screaming behind me, i had a broken nose, cracked jaw bone, broken arm, broken ribs and more blood covering me than i thought possible to have inside my body.

And i guess they got bored because the next thing i had a knife in my gut, and he was pulling it upwards and twisting it this way and that, laughing over my screams and her pleads.

But they went. and as she tried to lead me to the front of the store, i collapsed, only to be caught by someone i find myself speechless around. She carried me to the front, not caring for the blood i was covering her in. Her voice i heard as i slipped in and out. Not the girl i was protecting.


I'm having my dreams again. Most involve women ive known for only half a year, the others are a little more well known by me. Silly mind.

Ive seen a bit more love over the last few days.. its made me feel so much better, more so seen than ignored. im not sure if its a good thing though, without contact i thought more of my future, now with this my head is back in the past.

A before thought.

You left me as i left you, and i deserved it. I know that i put effort into conserving her heart before our own at first, and i let us wait. I lied to her because it seemed too hard to tell her we had been together a day earlier, and i answered to that not too long after. But i still waited. Waited for distances to grow and loss to diminish, for hearts to start healing and for tears to dry..

And yet, despite the fact that you and her waited less than a day, gave no compassion for the previous heart, nor for those id lean on, or the truth i held on to, despite the feeling that you two had been talking of and planning this even before your birthday, and the feeling of coldness that flooded through me as you sent me that inbox; i forgive you. i forgive the pain, the lies and the suddenness, all for the fact you seem happy.

I may have left that place for you, to give you a chance at school, to stop the need and want to see me even during your classes, to get a job and start saving for a place that i could take you to escape your mother and the judgmental eyes of those around, to give you a break to think about everything, to let you free, but i never told you of my plans did i? Mistake number one.

Never kissing you would be another, and never taking you home to the place i hated more than any other and would go to all kinds of extremes to stay away for longer would be yet another.

But i cannot fix that, and this i know. Im sorry you had to break me in order to love another, and im sorry i wasnt enough for you. but know now, and for every breath past this point, i will continue to think of you, continue to hope for you and continue to care, because a pure and innocent love like that is never easy to scrub out.

An after thought.

"It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

I admit it, I am lonely.

I've noticed myself longing after happy, cuddling, laughing couples and knowing that, if i allowed myself, i could be one of a pair that others long after.

I've caught myself reaching out in bed, looking for the second to my nothing, the body heat of another and, realizing that one such is not there, curling up and falling asleep hugging myself.

I cry, more so now than ever, for the feeling that another could bring, and sometimes not even registering that this is why i am crying.

I hold her hand without her knowing its not just for the sake shes my close friend but for the need of having another hand there.

The simple touch of skin, an accidental slip of a hand when passing something back and forth at work, almost purposefully getting as close as possible to someone.. I feel i need it.

I feel like no one sees me anymore. No one goes out of their way to talk to me, and this blog seems too ordinary now. So what to do?

I don't think there is anything i can do.

Lets see you fix this?

I am not fixable, i am not something to put back together. To cover in glue and band-aids and have someone "kiss it better".. that shit hasn't worked since i was 8.

My life is shit. Many people's lives' are shit. Nothing new. Ive lived with it long enough. we get used to it. i may not be fine with it ending like this, but i am man enough to know that even if i still care, still love what once was and could have been, i will not keep torturing myself, my heart.

It's funny how, in the end you start thinking of the beginning.

Many many things have ended in the last 3 years, and even one of these things would have killed a weaker person.. but im still here. and there must be a reason for that. im not trying to pretend that im strong, and i know just how strong some can be, but im the lowest of low and ive gotten through this on luck and love. the luck more so.

The love on the other hand is all i hold on to right now. a love that is denied me, a love that ignores me.. a love that would spit in my face if i ever let her close enough.

And the pathetic thing? ... I'm still here. Still waiting. Still hoping. Still loving. But i have a dreadful feeling if the opportunity ever did arise.. It'd cause more pain than joy.

My love is still there. I'm the sort of girl that can't let anything go. And i will always be like that. Like this. Im here. You're there. You're in love, and so am i. But the most significant difference? Simple. I see you. And you'll never see me.

I have a feeling ive been forgotten. not that its a new feeling, im quite used to it. but to be forgotten by those whom where a big part of my life not 8 months ago does pain me.

Ive always found myself texting, talking, organizing whom i will and will not be seeing, little effort, if any is ever made for me.

Bah. I feel good. Ive stopped thinking of people i couldn't only a month ago. or at least only think of them a little.

My aunt is in a bad way. it turns my stomach to think about it.. but i cant help it. we're all worried.

Mother is having trouble with my nephews mother, shes starting shit, blaming it on my immediate and not so immediate family and is now threatening mother that she wont see her grandson ever again and that she's going to bring the police in on it. My mother is in ruins. her and my brother are going to go find a lawyer and find some way to help him. Hes always sick, and we only ever got to see him when his mother wanted to go out and drink herself silly and go through her drugs. now to make it worse, my cousin is with her and shes trying to say that he is the father, not my brother, even though she will not agree to a dna test.

Stupid woman.

Ok. Ive vented.

"When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful
Every hour we spent together, lives within my heart
And when she was sad, I was there to dry her tears
And when she was happy, so was i, when she loved me.

Through the summer and the fall, we had each other, that was all
Just she and I together, like it was meant to be
And when she was lonely, I was there to comfort her
And I knew that she loved me.

So the years went by, I stayed the same
And she began to drift away, I was left alone
Still I waited for the day, when she’d say "i will always love you."

Lonely and forgotten, never thought she’d look my way,
She smiled at me and held me, just like she used to do,
Like she loved me, when she loved me

When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful,
Every hour we spent together, lives within my heart
When she loved me. "

I cant help but wonder..
Do you ever think of me? Find yourself wondering how things could have been? Do you wish for things to never have changed between us?

If i was her, and she me, do you think you'd be with her anyhow?

Or do you wish id never been in the picture, make such things easier?


Dreaming of me? I still dream of you. Mine aren't bad, they're sweet. Make me feel that little less lonely.

But as to if it is bad or good, i guess it depends on if the dreams make you unhappy. Do they?

Forgetting is horrible, but sometimes better. That said im somewhat glad you wont forget me then, at least someone shall remember me.

Rushing is not something i do often, but i wish i had tried harder :/ that is one regret ill never get over. Even more so when the kiss on the cheek come close to being our kiss. My heart took ages to settle. I smiled the whole bus ride haha.

Perplexed, bewilderment, you amazed me, had me wondering, loving every mystery that came by.

Why stupid and dishonest? This was the logical thing to do.

If Only.


I don't want to make you unhappy. You should try and forget me, then at least you'll enjoy where you are.

You get in trouble for talking to me? When she herself talks to me as much as she wants? Bah.

Why is a question asked only by those who want to know the answer. Do you really want to know why you stay? Or just to trust that its for the better?

Im sorry i made you impatient, i guess im a little old fashioned, like to get more than a physical relationship before we go too far it hurts.

I would never lose interest in you Bek, you amazed me differently every day, i was perplexed.

Privacy is a must in a relationship that both halves want to last.

Your thinking time?

If Only..

I feel as though i cant talk to you anymore, at least away from here. I feel like ive got caught in another Damsel moment and Mitch is going to turn around and lock you away for as long as he has you. But you're not her and she's not him, so i know she could never be as bad as him physically, and mentally i know shes exactly the same, but together it doesn't seem as bad.. And i know you love her and she loves you, i can live with that.

What i expect, is something people think a petty thing.. i need truth. We all lie, but in the way of such things, i always needed truth, to feel like i was wanted and needed there. If i never got one more thing in all that time, i would have been more than happy, and most times i was. So happy.

I didnt fight because i saw what was happening even before things were drawn to a close. I know a heart can change its direction, and i guess i was hoping yours would stay of its own accord.. if id stopped you, or tried, i believe i would have stressed too many strings, if we'd lasted past that moment, i doubt she would have given up. things would have gotten worse, the fall would have been steep and rough.. so i left you, i left you to your thoughts and i left you to decide for yourself. i dont mind your decision, i never did.. i think most of my trouble came from the transition, the fact that i had you one moment and then lost you the next.

Im quite a sad being. i can be high as can be and laugh and run and smile until the sun goes down, but i quite a rundown when it comes to love, it takes bites out of your heart and just takes off. i was never much of a lover, people only started paying attention to me in grade 7 at prospect, the first person to truly show me love is far from my reach but they're still in my heart and i in theirs. it is not the love of lovers, it is pure love, unjudged, unmeasured, we will never truly part.

That is the only love i got practise in. i can count the amount of people that love me, actually love me, lover or not, on one hand. maybe thats why i never held your interest, because i never had to try before.

It makes me feel better to know that there is a fraction of a moment that you may be thinking about me when im thinking of you, although my moments are longer and more ranged, perhaps because of the absence of people around me right now, it leaves time unchallenged. I enjoyed every moment i had with you, embarrassing or perfect. I smiled more throughout those months than i ever have. maybe that will make you feel better? because it does so for me.

I never cared for what you couldn't give, nor even what you could, i cared for what we shared, what we had.

Maybe it could have been better if we fought..? maybe the strength could have held us together.

The letter was never meant to be harsh, i just put as much of myself into it that i could bare. I never re read it either, but i never sealed it.

I dont know what i should be doing, running, hiding, fighting, standing. The amount of effort ive put into hiding most of this, and now its out there, what else am i to do now? I never liked giving up, and i cant think of a smoother way of saying it.

Months, ive waited months to read from you, without the thought of her reading it also. Ive never been good at dumbing it down, so i just never wrote of it besides on here.

If only.

"We are young, we are strong, we're not looking for where we belong.
We're not cool, we are free, and we're running with blood on our knees.

I could change the world
I could make it better
Kick it up and down
Take a chance on me."

Feeling quite amazing right now. All these books, stories, lives that i may or can never have are making me feel strong.

I appreciate it.

Ive been needing a leg up for quite some time, and feel like id never get it or at least a lot of it from my friends. Im not sure why but i feel like i was convenient for them at school, but now im unneeded. Was i ever needed?

Dear has always been there throughout the years, despite her not being at school with me for two and a half years.. But only in a sense. She is never in reach but when shes closer, there are always other matters than my own loneliness.

Oh woah is me. Bah.. I best hush. Such nonsense is never a lovely read.

"There was a time when I loved to be alone
And I was never lonely
I would escape into a book or a movie or just my own thoughts

Then one day I let you inside
I found that life was far sweeter when it was shared

But now you’re gone and I am alone once more
And I am always lonely."

One of those days where id give anything to see you right now, hold you right now.

I never did explain why i was not like any others you loved. Im gutless. I dislike my house, i dislike those whom judge and when i was with you, i couldn't avoid either. I wanted nothing but you. Needed nothing but you. But i let you down. Ahh.. im rather pathetic. I need to stop. I need to get it through my head there was nothing i could have done.. No that isnt true. I could have fought for you.

I knew she was there when i was not, i knew she was attached to you.. She'd been attached to me as well. But what can i do? it was i myself that said, what goes on between two hearts, need not go further.

But i should have tried. I know you wouldn't have listened, i know you would have still left, but because i didnt try, im always feeling this regret. And its killing me. What would you have done?

"I lost you; you said “I still love you”
And I’d throw away all my pain
Just to hear your name
And the truth about this
Is that it hurts me to miss
The smile on your face
And meeting you in the exact same place
The grooves in your hand
The fit into mine just as I had planned
I remember a time
When I could call you mine
But now that time has past
And something told me that it wouldn’t last
I still love you just the same
You never truly gave me any pain."

Never. The pain, i realize now, was all me. all the things i did and didnt do with, to or for you.

I still read your letters. I still have my latest reply.. but i wont send it.
Your last letter is my favorite, and why? Because you linger on those pages. Your smell, your touch, your love. I dare say it can bring me to tears.

I dont know what i should be doing anymore.. But i have to do something. I need to slap myself i do think.

Ive waited months.. for just that.

Emily Deschanel.. Need i say more?

I've always been a fan of Bones, but only recently have i fell into it more so. I'm watching series' 1-5 to catch up on the episodes i missed through the weeks and i cant tear myself away.

I know Temperance Brennan is fictional to a point, seening that the stories are based on the real life anthropologist Kathy Reichs, but i really love the idea of her. Given a chance, i do believe id go to university and become such an anthropologist.. I do understand the amount of effort behind something like this but id still go for it.

That said.. Id also go through similar effort to do/be the other things i strive for. I want to learn swordsmanship, how to use a bow, how to sew my own clothes, i want to understand all mathematics and strive forward with science. Id love to reach further with my art, design, build homes, buildings, structures of all kinds, as well as design and create the landscape around. Id love to become a lawyer, or simply study psychology to the most. Id love to invent things, objects, software, or simply ideas for others to use. I want to help, to make things better for those who cant help themselves.. And so so much more.

I want to learn it all, make it all, be it all.. But alas, it seems we aren't given enough time for such things.

And so, i admire and absolutely adore Emily's character and so, Kathy herself for the fact she has done so much more than most can say.

My dream? To be the best i can be and to help others be the best they can be.

We go through our lives being told over and over by people whom have lived or are living to never quit. To never give up on something you want. Something you need. If you want it, fight for it. If you love it, set it free; if it comes back, it was meant to be.
So what do we do when that thing, that person we want.. We love.. We need.. Doesn't want, love or need you anymore? How do we cut all those strings people and ourselves have helped thread between us, getting ready to tie us both together for the rest of our days and long after..? How do we move on from that?

I have loved. I do love. I hate to admit it but its there.
Once, when i was a little girl, i made a friend. The most unlikely of friends, with a girl, as small as me, as far into her classes as me, as odd as me. I felt alive, i finally did. That is where my memories started; because before then, nothing life changing had happened.
She had lovely red hair that was kept up in a ponytail of natural curls.. She had a smooth face that would break open often to the most amazing smile.. She was my other half for 5 years. We couldn't be separated, placed against each other, not even made to walk in a different pair of two's. I crawled through drain pipes with her.. After her. I helped her catch tadpoles and would visit nearly every day to watch them grow. I did not laugh when she blew out her candles before we finished singing, and when she didn't get a piece of her own cake, i sat under the tablecloth with her and shared my piece with her.

It was love. Of what kind i am, to this day, still unsure, but it was my kind of love. The kind i was never shown. Have never been shown.

"Release your inhibitions, feel the rain on your skin. No one else can feel it for you, only you can let it in."

I met a girl in one high school by accident.. I became friends with a special girl whom needed help with things and i didn't mind at all. First lunch at this school she walked over to another girl, and asked her, like me, to be her friend, then found me and introduced us. We weren't your typical kind of friends, i adored her, she was beautiful in every way, and she never wanted to see me hurt, always wanted me to be the best i could be.

More love, but the innocent kind.

Some of my girls were and are amazing.. to every little point.

I never want to lose them.

I never want to lose you, i never did.

What do you do if someone you love stops loving you? You attempt to believe those around you that are telling you that its time to give up. To move on. She's happy, and you can be too if you let go.

I cannot let go.. But i am looking around her, past her, through her.

I've found myself looking back to my first real girlfriend, my first kiss and the most abusive, frightening and wonder filled relationship ive had. I miss her so bloody much. I could stand the hits, the fights, just for her kiss and love. She made me feel like me. Made me hole, no matter how much she tore at me. But she no longer has room for me. And once again im in a spot where ive let go of something truly amazing.

Work is killing. The money is lovely.. The hours are fine. Its the treatment of the staff that gets to me. Some cases are ok, like myself, but this one lady was treated like utter shit.. lost her job, after her son barely breathing after the accident 6 months ago and the harassment case she had to report.. they do this to her over something so small.. we are gobsmacked.. :/

I miss Dear. And im still unsettled by everything as well.. But ill get better.

I miss last year.. So badly.. I need the old moments, old friends. The closeness.. Bleh.. Stupid me.

We shall see.

"If I had words to make a day for you
I'd sing you a morning golden and true
I would make this day last for all time
Then fill the night deep in moonshine."

"If only, if only, the woodpecker sighs,
the bark on the tree was as soft as the skies.
As the wolf waits below, hungry and lonely,
he cries to the moon, if only, if only."

"Things are getting weird, things are getting tough,
Nothings making sense but you keep on looking up
They tell you to be true, your trying everyday
To keep it on the real still you got to find a way
To make your mamma happy, to make your pappa proud
You'll wanna turn it up and all you hear is tone it down

So gather round I'm here to say
You'll never make everybody's day
But while you're around you might as well, catch the tiger by it's tail

And hang on hang on hang on
Everybody just get on get on get on
Get started and go on go on go on
Everybody just hold on

Sometimes I wanna cry, and throw the towel in
They try to beat me down but i take it on the chin
and everywhere i go the people all the same
and they just wanna know that everything will be ok
when things are getting rough you'll turn it back around
you gotta turn it up when they tell you tone it down.

So gather round I'm here to say
You'll never make everybody's day
But while you're around you might as well, catch the tiger by it's tail

And hang on hang on hang on
Everybody just get on get on get on
Get started and go on go on go on
Everybody just hold on
Just hang on

So gather round I'm here to say
You'll never make everybody's day
But while you're around you might as well, catch the tiger by it's tail

And hang on hang on hang on
Everybody just get on get on get on
Get started and go on go on go on
Everybody just hold on

And hang on hang on hang on
Everybody just get on get on get on
Get started and go on go on go on
Everybody just hold on"


"Tu sei il mio cuore, la mia anima. tutto ciò che sono. appartiene a voi"

"If i had said i love you, she would have said it back, and then everything would have been different."

"Let my lusts be my ruin."

"They're full of words saying, how i want you, how i love you."

And the simple most extraordinary thing that makes me get up in the morning.. the one thing i always sought to see, the one thing that is now so far out of my reach.. Is the same thing that has put me in this state.

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About Me

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My name is Sierra.. or Juliet.. :) Im 21, I have greeny blue eyes and dirty blond hair.. Do have fun reading through my experiences and mental upheavals?


-- "Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life."

-- "Some people blame our generation, but have they ever stopped to think, who raised us?"

-- "Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

-- "Art is what you can get away with."

-- "Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die tomorrow."

-- "When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show it that you have a thousand reasons to smile."

-- "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart."

-- "Life is never easy for those who dream."

-- "There are two great days in a person's life. The day we are born and the day we discover why."

-- "You are every reason, every hope and every dream I've ever had, and no matter what happens to us in the future, everyday we are together is the greatest day of my life."

-- "When i grow up i want to look back and know i did the wrong things for all the right reasons."

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