I'm glad it is all sorted. there shouldn't be any more drama.. it seems too good to be true so i'm naturally doubtful that it will always be drama free, but i don't mean with us, i know that can't always be smooth but it will be better. i mean with them. with her in particular. she's back to thinking about Jamie again.. and yet only last night was going on and on about whom she liked. no. i don't think it will be alright for long on her end.. but i think it will pass. that is something i'm sure of. she will get better.
I still have your heart, and i have kept it safe dear, and i don't feel like giving it up any time soon :) x
I will take you to your colourful place for the day, and i will help keep it peaceful while we are there. it is all we need right now.
I will steal you, both mentally and physically. you will be completely mine, and i completely yours, for as long as you wish.
Me too Romeo, the warm flutters are indeed back. and i've missed them. what has brought them back is the thought you still want me, after what i did to you, you still wish for me as i wish for you. it near killed me the first time around, for them to leave. they remind me i have a heart. but now i know they'll always be there for as long as you are too x
You will give me company, and i will give you mine. one day. soon maybe. from now, until then.
I don't think i will stay for the rest of the year.. but if i don't, i will start earning money, save up and move out. how much easier it would be for us to see each other then. oh it would be so much better.
I do love you Romeo. with everything i have. and i will wait for you. no matter how impatient others become; i will wait. until your head and heart have had time to clear. and if, after they clear, whom you see is not me, i will not make a fuss, complain, scream, as long as you still remain in my life as my close friend.
If only xx
So shes caught on. she knows how i feel for her, and now wishes ill on me. and yet i was fine with it when they were together? who's the bigger man now?
We will hide it, at least for a while, just until you feel better about it. i wish i knew how to keep my feelings out of conversations.. ill get better. so she knows the feelings are there, but seems to have settled for now. i wonder what will happen next.
Your Juliet, my Romeo xx
Where would you like to go my dear? where there are the colours, fresh air and peace you deserve..
Steal you? really? truely? ive been waiting for your permission x
Life, colour, smiles i can do, just promise to keep them?
I will fly you where ever you want me to. To the clouds, to the stars, around the planets and through the universe. where ever you want to go, ill take you there, in mind, heart or body x
I always loved you.
Romeo..
I hear her lies and i hear of her lies. each and every time i try hard not to speak my mind, to jump down her throat or grab her collar and shake some sense into her. lies.. lies are dreadful. yes i lie, but i lie only for the sake of sparing someone. i know the difference between when a lie will hurt more than the truth and when the truth is much better. but she seems to do it all because she's bored.
I hate it.
To be alone helps, most times. the problem is that when you are alone, you crave company, and when you have someone, you crave solitude. it becomes confusing, but its much better when you find that someone that you want to keep close, that you both can be alone together.
Love.. i understand what you want because i need someone to understand the same. love is all i want, the extra is just extra, its not a constant thing you need, its not what makes your heart beat when nothing else works. love. love is what gets you up in the morning, makes you smile, crave to see someone, and where just seeing someone can be enough. to see them, hear them, smell them, touch them. love is what makes you live. helps you live. it is why we live.
I will hold you, and i will comfort you. it was all a nightmare my dear, and it doesn't have to come back, it never has to come back. you are awake now and its so much easier to see when you're awake.
I love your writing, and i will wait, for how ever long you want me to wait. x
My clothes, my chair, my walls, my roof, this air.. it is all stifling.. i cannot seem to breathe, and i dont know why.. it is like ive been cut free from something, someone has let me out of my cage, taken the pressure off me, but too suddenly and now im floating too high, or sinking.. i cannot decide.. all i know is im smiling. im happy. not on the outside. no its all inside my heart. part of her has been released and now part of me has also been let go. it makes me look at everything longer, im taking notice of people, of the little things, the emotions, the body language, the way they pass things to and fro.. im interested. im finally interested in how the rest are. this is a good thing. a very good thing. thankyou.
He wants to make my dreams come true. but i see my dreams already, and not one of them seem to involve him.. how do you tell someone that?
Oh Romeo.. how long it seems ive waited for you to be free again. i want you to be able to breathe freely, move without being followed if it is what you wish.. i want you to feel better.
Do you feel better?
Romeo..
I may not be a knight in shining armor, but i will be your idiot in tin foil. I will save you, however you want me to, each and every time you need me.
I will give you reason again, i will give you a less troublesome mind to swim through, may it be my mind or yours. I will give you my heart, so you can forget your own for a time, forget the lies, the pain she brings on you.
I will help you forget her, and make new memories, even if it is only for an hour, just to stop the pain, the sadness, the bad feelings i can see on your face and hear in your voice.. I will help you. I will.
I will save you, if it is what you want.
Tell me.
Romeo..
I've been thinking.. oh so much.. too much.
This man likes me, loves me.. he tells me how he wants to make my fairy tale come true. he wants to love me, make me feel loved, give me a home, protect me, care for me, marry me and give me children; and throughout all this, he will continue to love me. i want this. i crave for this. desire this. but love is the hardest thing to ignore.. i cannot throw her over this one man who will give me his everything. i know that sounds stupid.. irresponsible.. unbelievable.. but id rather half my life with her, than a full one with him.
But i want my full life with my one person.. please.. someone, tell me what am i supposed to do?
I can see myself slipping.. and im becoming more noticeable. but i dont care what they think.. catch me out. i dare you. because as soon as its out in the open, im not backing down.
I hate not getting to see you as much as i used to.. i hate that what is stopping us seeing each other is something as bland as the weather and something as stupid as my stress releasing habit.
I love you. so bloody much.. and i want you to see that. and to see that i want nothing but your happiness, your laughter, your love and i will not stand by while you get hurt so.. not anymore.. i cant leave you to this shark, at least not unprotected..
Please know that i am never more than an email, a txt, a letter or a short walk away my dear.. you will always have me, and i will always keep you in my heart.. i want to help you, i want to make you feel better, feel happy again, but genuine happiness, not just to please her, to please us, pretending like that hurts more than straight out sadness.. i cannot stand it.
I wish i helped you like you help me.. i wish i could do that for you. if there is anything i can do for you.. never. never hesitate to ask, to tell me. it is all i want, to see your smile, to help you.
If only..
x
I worry about her. I always have, and always will. For we shared that little part of our life; and such a thing i have never done which felt like this, like that, and is that close, was that close.
The lover she has right now is causing trouble. Between them, between others, between herself. Its like she seeks to be the victim, always. And i feel bad for her, for my lost, because it is my fault she is with her now. If i had kept her, had not been so scared, then she would be happy, she would always be happy. With this other, she has nothing but stress, arguments, tears and its tearing me open from the inside, out.
Tell me that you forgive me? I want to keep you safe. I want to keep you happy, keep you loved. But everything just seems to be spiraling out of control for you now. And i could have stopped it.
Why didnt i stop it?
Its not a matter of me not loving her, oh believe me, i did. But then, why did it end so? Why did i end it.
I brought this pain on her and i will never forgive myself.
I shall always love you, my dear. And i shall protect you until we both pass, and then longer.
If only..
