And As She Opens Her Eyes...

It's been another 2 months, alot of things have happened, but in a sense not alot has changed.

I still have my problems with anxiety, and it's getting worse. I've decided to nut up and call my doctor this week. I'm also having trouble with my right knee and hip. I'm not sure what is wrong with them and I don't know if it is work related, carrying a heavy bag on my right side most of my life or just plain old wear and tear. It's effecting my everyday life now though so I need to get it seen to, and also talk to him about my weight and anxiety.

I'm enjoying myself. Some days I walk out of the house and actually feel so damn good that there's nothing that can put me down. I'm looking at the sky more and noticing the beautiful place and time we live in, and I've started paying more attention to the people around me. I used to keep my head down, watch my feet as I walked and barely talked to strangers, but that's changing. I watch people, try and figure out where they're going, where they've been, I wonder about their life and the people with them. I actually give a shit. I talk up more when asked questions, and don't shy away so much at work. I can genuinely smile at someone and not have to force it. I'm learning.

I have my close companion and best friend to thank. She has been helping me so much with myself. I'm not so shy around her anymore, she can invite me anywhere and I'll go, I actually went out a few days ago with her to a workmates farewell dinner. She didn't have to hold my hand but offered it, which was amazingly sweet and I need to thank her for that, she didn't give a shit if the other workmates we have saw, she just wanted to keep me calm and happy. She's invited me to her house for her birthday, and I'm excited. Scared yes but I'm looking forward to it. I can't exactly say no to this one haha. But I want to go. She comforts me, I trust her with my life. She really is an amazing person and so so very beautiful inside and out. I just have to get her to believe me when I say it now haha. Definitely want to make her as happy as I possibly can.. Even if I have to do it from where I stand now. I can't let her go. Not now she has my heart. Gotta work on that badly.. Maybe there's a class you can take haha.

There has been a hiccup at work not too long ago and it's slowly getting sorted out. I just hope it doesn't happen to anyone else.

I now have four people that I trusted enough to come out to, and I'm working myself up to the fifth. They've all been so wonderful about it, and it doesn't scare me half as much as it used to.

Still have loads to work on and things to get done and planned but I really am looking forward to tomorrow, and the next day, and the oncoming future!

Take care!