And As She Opens Her Eyes...

This is what she sees.

"When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful
Every hour we spent together, lives within my heart
And when she was sad, I was there to dry her tears
And when she was happy, so was i, when she loved me.

Through the summer and the fall, we had each other, that was all
Just she and I together, like it was meant to be
And when she was lonely, I was there to comfort her
And I knew that she loved me.

So the years went by, I stayed the same
And she began to drift away, I was left alone
Still I waited for the day, when she’d say "i will always love you."

Lonely and forgotten, never thought she’d look my way,
She smiled at me and held me, just like she used to do,
Like she loved me, when she loved me

When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful,
Every hour we spent together, lives within my heart
When she loved me. "

I cant help but wonder..
Do you ever think of me? Find yourself wondering how things could have been? Do you wish for things to never have changed between us?

If i was her, and she me, do you think you'd be with her anyhow?

Or do you wish id never been in the picture, make such things easier?


Dreaming of me? I still dream of you. Mine aren't bad, they're sweet. Make me feel that little less lonely.

But as to if it is bad or good, i guess it depends on if the dreams make you unhappy. Do they?

Forgetting is horrible, but sometimes better. That said im somewhat glad you wont forget me then, at least someone shall remember me.

Rushing is not something i do often, but i wish i had tried harder :/ that is one regret ill never get over. Even more so when the kiss on the cheek come close to being our kiss. My heart took ages to settle. I smiled the whole bus ride haha.

Perplexed, bewilderment, you amazed me, had me wondering, loving every mystery that came by.

Why stupid and dishonest? This was the logical thing to do.

If Only.


I don't want to make you unhappy. You should try and forget me, then at least you'll enjoy where you are.

You get in trouble for talking to me? When she herself talks to me as much as she wants? Bah.

Why is a question asked only by those who want to know the answer. Do you really want to know why you stay? Or just to trust that its for the better?

Im sorry i made you impatient, i guess im a little old fashioned, like to get more than a physical relationship before we go too far it hurts.

I would never lose interest in you Bek, you amazed me differently every day, i was perplexed.

Privacy is a must in a relationship that both halves want to last.

Your thinking time?

If Only..

I feel as though i cant talk to you anymore, at least away from here. I feel like ive got caught in another Damsel moment and Mitch is going to turn around and lock you away for as long as he has you. But you're not her and she's not him, so i know she could never be as bad as him physically, and mentally i know shes exactly the same, but together it doesn't seem as bad.. And i know you love her and she loves you, i can live with that.

What i expect, is something people think a petty thing.. i need truth. We all lie, but in the way of such things, i always needed truth, to feel like i was wanted and needed there. If i never got one more thing in all that time, i would have been more than happy, and most times i was. So happy.

I didnt fight because i saw what was happening even before things were drawn to a close. I know a heart can change its direction, and i guess i was hoping yours would stay of its own accord.. if id stopped you, or tried, i believe i would have stressed too many strings, if we'd lasted past that moment, i doubt she would have given up. things would have gotten worse, the fall would have been steep and rough.. so i left you, i left you to your thoughts and i left you to decide for yourself. i dont mind your decision, i never did.. i think most of my trouble came from the transition, the fact that i had you one moment and then lost you the next.

Im quite a sad being. i can be high as can be and laugh and run and smile until the sun goes down, but i quite a rundown when it comes to love, it takes bites out of your heart and just takes off. i was never much of a lover, people only started paying attention to me in grade 7 at prospect, the first person to truly show me love is far from my reach but they're still in my heart and i in theirs. it is not the love of lovers, it is pure love, unjudged, unmeasured, we will never truly part.

That is the only love i got practise in. i can count the amount of people that love me, actually love me, lover or not, on one hand. maybe thats why i never held your interest, because i never had to try before.

It makes me feel better to know that there is a fraction of a moment that you may be thinking about me when im thinking of you, although my moments are longer and more ranged, perhaps because of the absence of people around me right now, it leaves time unchallenged. I enjoyed every moment i had with you, embarrassing or perfect. I smiled more throughout those months than i ever have. maybe that will make you feel better? because it does so for me.

I never cared for what you couldn't give, nor even what you could, i cared for what we shared, what we had.

Maybe it could have been better if we fought..? maybe the strength could have held us together.

The letter was never meant to be harsh, i just put as much of myself into it that i could bare. I never re read it either, but i never sealed it.

I dont know what i should be doing, running, hiding, fighting, standing. The amount of effort ive put into hiding most of this, and now its out there, what else am i to do now? I never liked giving up, and i cant think of a smoother way of saying it.

Months, ive waited months to read from you, without the thought of her reading it also. Ive never been good at dumbing it down, so i just never wrote of it besides on here.

If only.

"We are young, we are strong, we're not looking for where we belong.
We're not cool, we are free, and we're running with blood on our knees.

I could change the world
I could make it better
Kick it up and down
Take a chance on me."

Feeling quite amazing right now. All these books, stories, lives that i may or can never have are making me feel strong.

I appreciate it.

Ive been needing a leg up for quite some time, and feel like id never get it or at least a lot of it from my friends. Im not sure why but i feel like i was convenient for them at school, but now im unneeded. Was i ever needed?

Dear has always been there throughout the years, despite her not being at school with me for two and a half years.. But only in a sense. She is never in reach but when shes closer, there are always other matters than my own loneliness.

Oh woah is me. Bah.. I best hush. Such nonsense is never a lovely read.

"There was a time when I loved to be alone
And I was never lonely
I would escape into a book or a movie or just my own thoughts

Then one day I let you inside
I found that life was far sweeter when it was shared

But now you’re gone and I am alone once more
And I am always lonely."

One of those days where id give anything to see you right now, hold you right now.

I never did explain why i was not like any others you loved. Im gutless. I dislike my house, i dislike those whom judge and when i was with you, i couldn't avoid either. I wanted nothing but you. Needed nothing but you. But i let you down. Ahh.. im rather pathetic. I need to stop. I need to get it through my head there was nothing i could have done.. No that isnt true. I could have fought for you.

I knew she was there when i was not, i knew she was attached to you.. She'd been attached to me as well. But what can i do? it was i myself that said, what goes on between two hearts, need not go further.

But i should have tried. I know you wouldn't have listened, i know you would have still left, but because i didnt try, im always feeling this regret. And its killing me. What would you have done?

"I lost you; you said “I still love you”
And I’d throw away all my pain
Just to hear your name
And the truth about this
Is that it hurts me to miss
The smile on your face
And meeting you in the exact same place
The grooves in your hand
The fit into mine just as I had planned
I remember a time
When I could call you mine
But now that time has past
And something told me that it wouldn’t last
I still love you just the same
You never truly gave me any pain."

Never. The pain, i realize now, was all me. all the things i did and didnt do with, to or for you.

I still read your letters. I still have my latest reply.. but i wont send it.
Your last letter is my favorite, and why? Because you linger on those pages. Your smell, your touch, your love. I dare say it can bring me to tears.

I dont know what i should be doing anymore.. But i have to do something. I need to slap myself i do think.

Ive waited months.. for just that.

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About Me

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My name is Sierra.. or Juliet.. :) Im 21, I have greeny blue eyes and dirty blond hair.. Do have fun reading through my experiences and mental upheavals?


-- "Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life."

-- "Some people blame our generation, but have they ever stopped to think, who raised us?"

-- "Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

-- "Art is what you can get away with."

-- "Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die tomorrow."

-- "When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show it that you have a thousand reasons to smile."

-- "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart."

-- "Life is never easy for those who dream."

-- "There are two great days in a person's life. The day we are born and the day we discover why."

-- "You are every reason, every hope and every dream I've ever had, and no matter what happens to us in the future, everyday we are together is the greatest day of my life."

-- "When i grow up i want to look back and know i did the wrong things for all the right reasons."

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