And As She Opens Her Eyes...

Things are a little.. Angry? At the moment. It's odd, I'm stressed and having growling matches with the ground, but other than that I'm fine myself. But others around me, close to me, are going through some hectic and disastrous things, all of which either have me feeling helpless, hurt or down right pissed off.

My life is quite dandy. But theirs? Strange how that happens.



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"Barbra Streisand!"

Got myself hooked on Glee for a little. Don't judge me! There are some beautiful moments/people in the series. That and I can't help but fall in love a little more with Pierce and Lopez every time they're storyline weaves, crumbles or grows. I'm a sucker for tragic and beautiful love stories.

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I don't know why i worried so much when i read that Romeo.. I think at the time i was rather low on self esteem so there was alot of things i thought were directed at me.. But I am relieved to know i didn't cause such a thing for you.

I'm pretty sure i follow, i may not know the situation as well as your good friends, but i follow. And I'm sorry if i made you late for work haha, but I'm sure they forgave you.

You don't have to write back to everything though, this blog is as much for me as it is for you. I know you loved our letters, and you loved our blog replies. It was our way of getting everything out without having to stumble over our words or chicken out or someone from the Pit overhearing.

It may not be as frequent as it used to but if i can help keep myself sane and composed while giving you someone to talk to when you need, then i will continue to post, replies or not. Maybe i can somehow keep us both sane with a consistent routine haha.

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I need a future.. I don't feel like I'm growing. I feel like I'm stuck. Stuck somewhere between school and that next step i should have taken years ago. What does someone do that can't figure out what they want to do/be? The only thing i know is I'd be happy anywhere. Lonely at first but if it puts me on the right path, I'll endure.

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I'm not so lonely at the moment. I have myself quite the load of friends. Every single one of them look to me, need me, and I'm finally able to help them. It's amazing.. Five years ago i could barely say "hi" to a stranger I'd never see again. The amount of confidence I've gotten in the last three years is amazing. I dance through town, not caring what people think, just to make her laugh. I talk to people older than me without feeling small or inferior. I can confront those that intimidate me. I'm not even hiding my face so much anymore. Jeans three sizes too big? Not anymore. Big jackets? Not anymore. Shirts that made it impossible to tell if i was male or female? Oh no, you can tell now haha.

I feel so good about myself. Like i could do anything. The fact that i like myself, all that i am.. Oh wow, what a difference it makes to how much you enjoy yourself, how happy you are, how so so very great you feel constantly..

Smiles hurt because i can't wipe them off my face. Laughter is never forced. The difference is utterly amazing.

I am truly happy with my being. My entirety. My soul and heart.

I love myself, finally.

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If only.