She talked to me. both did. it helped, if only for the fact i needed her contact, but im still in pieces.
I had a reason, a plan of not to fall in love. i know that is something no one can promise ones self. i avoided it for years. i finally fell into the habit again and hurt her. twice. the first not so badly, i guess time helped there. the second was gutless me running with my tail between my legs.
So when she hurt me, when they got together the first time, i knew i deserved it. i deserved that entire stretch you shared with her. what hurt was seeing you hurt. and im sorry for that. i wished to save you. help you. love you.
I did love you, more than anyone i ever gave a second thought to. and i believed you loved me. i trusted you like i had no other, i looked at you like i had no other. i wished to build us a life, or at least give you space from everyone, from everything. the time and air i knew you needed, with no one to pester you but me, until even i was too much. then id simply step back. i would have kept you forever, forever safe and free. i would have made sure.
But it was not enough was it?
We had another try, and i believed you loved me, maybe even more than i loved you, and that is what made me wake up in the morning, that is what kept me smiling, made me gaze at you those long hours.
Im sorry i left you, but i left for you. i was looking ahead.
I dont hold it against you. i wont. i will forever love you. my heart may not be open for it as easily anymore but i will keep you, for my years and years to come.
I love you.
Dont let me go.
After all this time, its suddenly gone.
So tell me sweetheart.. Tell me again why you suddenly dont love me.
Im not a child, do not need it dumbed down into short, blunt sentences. I may act 10 at times, but i think fast, and think my age.
So tell me.
Was it me? Was it you? Or was it her.. The one you fought to be away from? And i want no lies. You owe me that much.
I love you Romeo. I do. And if you dont love me anymore, thats fine, but i would much rather you say that, than use a side excuse.
Been thinking about this for weeks? We've only been together the month this time.. So half of that was unwanted? Nice nice..
Just dont lie to me.
She is mine. I am hers.
I have waited for her for longer than i thought i had the courage for. I am not proud i have managed this, but i am glad i waited. I love her, and she knows this, at least i hope she as an idea of it, of how much i love her, how much i will do for her. I know this is said in most if not all relationships, but Romeo, i would not say such things unless they were true.
I get disappointed some times.. Your last does not help. She needs to make everything difficult. She's moving now yes, or so she says, but she makes a big deal about it..
She says she loves you, still, and is upset that she isn't the one making you happy anymore. And now she tells me she has loved me since only a few weeks after we met, and is also upset that she isn't the one making me happy. She keeps bringing this up and it frustrates me. I know i myself have liked more than one person at once, but that was simply because the ones i would fall for, seemed wrong to me, or that it would never work. So i tried to get away from that, i'd meet new people, forget the others, learn to love all over again. I've grown since then and i know just how much love one person can give at any one time. And so, she cannot keep claiming to love us both at the same time, you more so, and then go on about others she likes, and even more still.. It just doesn't.. Shouldn't work like that.
So our newly 16 y.o friend's son has been born. His poor mother will be exhausted for months, if not years to come. Do you think all this will go well? Parenthood at such a young age for them both? I know he will be looked after, but will they be able to handle it for long enough?
No more school for me. My resume has gone out, and i should take it out to more places soon, but i've never been one to apply at too many places at once, if i got call backs, and had to choose.. I'd pull my hair out for days.
"The concrete boots he wears, make it hard to reach the air."
I need an out. Just space.. I want to write, to put my imagination down on paper. Sarah Waters has wormed her way back into my head, making me want to write even more. But would i get anywhere? Would it be read, liked, sold?
I'm told i'm a heart breaker.. Both in my stories and in matters of the heart. I've already broken yours.. But i hope never to do it again. Such a thing is hard to promise because a heart can break in many different ways.
I love you x
For our forever x
