Totally exasperated.
I want to get my job and drop school. im told that i should land the job before i drop school, even though school isn't helping my TCE or any certificate at all.
I want answers. so badly.. help me?
Life.
Screw it.
Sierra.
Woke up today with a headache, not sure whats going on in my head but i can feel my heart beat and my blood pump through my body.
Yesterday was rather scary. i had quite the breakdown to a friend over chat.. which wasn't a good idea because i was sitting in the lounge with the laptop and it took all my effort and energy not to burst into tears.
I've decided i should get a move on with my life. i think what i need right now is the money to move out. school isn't paying me and that wouldn't bother me if i had money on the side. but truth is employers would rather hire full time workers than ones on the side. and id get a lot more money, quicker that way. we'll see.
Missing some friends that have moved from launceston. id give almost anything to have them next to me right now, i think it would be very reassuring to myself.
Made another blog yesterday, for my dreams. Its at http://and-as-she-closes-her-eyes.blogspot.com/ seems to be helping me manage my thoughts too. i always liked the idea of dreams meaning something so when finding out their meanings, they seem to clear things up in my mind ha.
Better go, its saturday and im meant to be writing.
always love,
Sierra
Today is a new day
the madness from the other day has kinda melted to nothing. im still stressed but im managing it well
ive decided im going to make another blog for my dreams and interpretations, it might help me understand them better.. well im hoping
another cold morning with no family in the house, parents will be home in one and a half hours and my brother in the back yard should be in with his friend soon.
i have a notepad next to me, it has quotes, dreams and such for the last few days. seems comforting to have it right there in reach
feeling rather dazed.. maybe due to my dreams of late, maybe because im being made to believe one thing and then another and another, then find out the first was a lie, doubt the rest, find out the rest aren't, get told more shit, get told the others were lies.. ehh.
i need a holiday.
one day
Sierra
Its only four days into easter break and im wanting to go back to school just to see someone. is that sad of me? i mean i have so much homework i should have finished.. i should be doing it now. and i hate the idea im so late with it. i hate that i have to face those teachers. and yet i want to go back because its the only way ill see her. :/ i should get a life
So im craving people. im craving touch. and im craving chocolate eclairs. silly sierra. maybe ill get over it soon?
Watching the comedy festival :D love it haha :)
One of my friends on the mainland wont be coming back any time soon.. its tearing me up. shes the type of person i dont do well without. i haven't seen her in months and now i have a chance of never seeing her again.. :(
I actually have letters to write, so i should go
Until next time :)
Always love
Sierra
Ok so... i didnt end up coming back soon haha.. not sure why, but alot has happened.
i enrolled! i tried to make myself not become friends with people, to keep my head in my books. but it never worked haha and ive met some truely amazing people. im still keeping up with my work yes, a little behind in a subject or two but still there. thinking i should drop out.. work to get some money to move out or join the defence force.. im unsure.. but i really dont want to lose my friends.. i drifted from them last year after getting kicked out.. mmm
easter today :) no chocolate for me, oh i do love chocolate but we just didnt get around to it so it was just pancakes :) wonderful on its own :P
been writing out my entire life story the last few days for a friend. she'll be the first to hear/read it so im hoping she wont judge me on it but we'll see how that goes too..
better go before i get carried away, stay well x
always love,
Sierra
