And As She Opens Her Eyes...

"There was a time when I loved to be alone
And I was never lonely
I would escape into a book or a movie or just my own thoughts

Then one day I let you inside
I found that life was far sweeter when it was shared

But now you’re gone and I am alone once more
And I am always lonely."


One of those days where id give anything to see you right now, hold you right now.

I never did explain why i was not like any others you loved. Im gutless. I dislike my house, i dislike those whom judge and when i was with you, i couldn't avoid either. I wanted nothing but you. Needed nothing but you. But i let you down. Ahh.. im rather pathetic. I need to stop. I need to get it through my head there was nothing i could have done.. No that isnt true. I could have fought for you.

I knew she was there when i was not, i knew she was attached to you.. She'd been attached to me as well. But what can i do? it was i myself that said, what goes on between two hearts, need not go further.

But i should have tried. I know you wouldn't have listened, i know you would have still left, but because i didnt try, im always feeling this regret. And its killing me. What would you have done?


"I lost you; you said “I still love you”
And I’d throw away all my pain
Just to hear your name
And the truth about this
Is that it hurts me to miss
The smile on your face
And meeting you in the exact same place
The grooves in your hand
The fit into mine just as I had planned
I remember a time
When I could call you mine
But now that time has past
And something told me that it wouldn’t last
I still love you just the same
You never truly gave me any pain."


Never. The pain, i realize now, was all me. all the things i did and didnt do with, to or for you.

I still read your letters. I still have my latest reply.. but i wont send it.
Your last letter is my favorite, and why? Because you linger on those pages. Your smell, your touch, your love. I dare say it can bring me to tears.

I dont know what i should be doing anymore.. But i have to do something. I need to slap myself i do think.

Ive waited months.. for just that.