And As She Opens Her Eyes...

I've been thinking.. oh so much.. too much.

This man likes me, loves me.. he tells me how he wants to make my fairy tale come true. he wants to love me, make me feel loved, give me a home, protect me, care for me, marry me and give me children; and throughout all this, he will continue to love me. i want this. i crave for this. desire this. but love is the hardest thing to ignore.. i cannot throw her over this one man who will give me his everything. i know that sounds stupid.. irresponsible.. unbelievable.. but id rather half my life with her, than a full one with him.

But i want my full life with my one person.. please.. someone, tell me what am i supposed to do?

I can see myself slipping.. and im becoming more noticeable. but i dont care what they think.. catch me out. i dare you. because as soon as its out in the open, im not backing down.

I hate not getting to see you as much as i used to.. i hate that what is stopping us seeing each other is something as bland as the weather and something as stupid as my stress releasing habit.

I love you. so bloody much.. and i want you to see that. and to see that i want nothing but your happiness, your laughter, your love and i will not stand by while you get hurt so.. not anymore.. i cant leave you to this shark, at least not unprotected..

Please know that i am never more than an email, a txt, a letter or a short walk away my dear.. you will always have me, and i will always keep you in my heart.. i want to help you, i want to make you feel better, feel happy again, but genuine happiness, not just to please her, to please us, pretending like that hurts more than straight out sadness.. i cannot stand it.

I wish i helped you like you help me.. i wish i could do that for you. if there is anything i can do for you.. never. never hesitate to ask, to tell me. it is all i want, to see your smile, to help you.

If only..

x