And As She Opens Her Eyes...

Feeling a little better than i usually do.. Although in other aspects, not so much.

I had my first day off from work in a year due to a massive migraine that came out of no where. I went to work last night feeling better but ended the night with the same migraine. I've never been able to handle stress too well. Who can?

Feeling a tad more lonely than normal, probably caused by all this politician talk. Weird, i know.. But the whole idea of Labor giving us something so right, so wanted.. Marriage Equality.. It made me think, wish and hope that this idiocy with same sex relationships being wrong could be over.. That maybe i could finally fall in love knowing that i COULD marry the woman of my dreams.. Haha.. I was smiling.

And now we have this fruit cake that is taking away elderly and disability pay, that thinks being gay is an abomination and that thinks his daughters are gods gift to men and that they're so perfect and get along so well despite them looking like they'd rather be on the other side of the world from him..

Ehhhhhh.

On the other hand, I feel.. calmer. I still have my outbursts and find myself crying for no reason some nights, but i just can't help but smile some days, without any obvious reason behind it. I'm clueless as to what is causing this but what ever it is, i hope it never goes away.

-----

I've stopped visiting your FB page.. It makes me sad.. Knowing you're out there, living your life and not looking back. That said, I'm unbelievably happy for you as well. I' glad you've found someone you can love so openly and that your work makes you happy and get's you away from this place for a little while.

I think the sadness may also be because i may never get to see you. The occasional visit at work is nice, but I'm always running around, busy and fretting when you see me.. If it were up to me I'd be more than happy to just stand there and talk. No distractions or deadlines. Just talk until our throats get soar. I remember when that was one of the only things i looked forward to. Our game of Secrets had me learn so much about you, and had me tell so much about myself.. No one can play that game as well as you could haha.

I still have your presents here. And your drawings.. And letters. I would like to write you letters again, but I'm not sure if your address is the same as the last time i asked.. I still have that gift i wanted to send you. The reason i asked for it, and i think I'd like to send sketches of your tattoo along, so i can get your opinion as it progresses. For all those reasons and more, i would love to receive a letter from you. The main few i guess would be that i miss your handwriting, the smell of your letters and the heart you put into each and every page..

It's unhealthy for me to go on like this but i can't help it. I still seem to yearn for that connection. Maybe someday, when i wriggle my way back into your mind, you'll see this and think..

"Well she's not as crazy as that other one that followed me around i guess.." Haha or am I? Maybe just a little. But at least I never lied like that one. I never did understand why she lied so much, constantly, making up her own little world to boast about and tell everyone of her hardships that were never hers to bare.

Things like that should never be played with.

-----



Well that's my thoughts at the moment. Back to procrastinating and then maybe some sleep.

Goodnight vast online world of minds and hearts.. And of course, the keyboard heroes and Grammar Nazis out there.


- Sierra Juliet.