And As She Opens Her Eyes...

Romeo. I want you to read this and know i would not lie through our only no limit place. What ever you are feeling or were feeling as you see my name and post date, push it to the back of your mind so you don't close this window completely. I ask for a few minutes of your time.

The truth, and as blunt as i can get it as to hope you read it before/if you decide you don't want to.

She is a liar. She bends her stories and her friends lives to amuse herself and then drag them back through the mud just to laugh at them again.

I know i shouldn't have but i did listen as she told me. At this point i was rather horribly stressed myself, due to home troubles, weight trouble and a few loses in the family. I believed her, at least long enough to scream my words into Blogger. An indirect vent at the only person on my mind, and for that i am deeply sorry that it had to be you. A few weeks had past and id forgotten all about the post, until of course we ran into that snag online.

We cleared it up rather roughly but i didn't put as much effort into it as i should have so that was completely my fault. After our snag, another week or two past and she started on me. I gather Elmo decided to relay my comments to you back to her and i must say i didn't care what so ever. What she heard were the bad things i said about her, and i was practically laughing as i read her angry inboxes. Why did i laugh? because i had always known, those times at college and her "sure im dating her but i really like you" moments. Her stories about lost loves and how they changed every bloody time she told them, like it was fine to make up such things with both you and myself sitting there, where you had already lost so much, and myself being dragged back to the memory of searching for hours, helpless for my best friends body.

It was then i remembered the post, but was dragged away again. I wanted to delete it, and hope that you never had to see such idiocy, that i could just forget that i was ever fool enough to let her plant those thoughts in my head.

I know you. I may not know you as well as i once did, or as well as many others, but i know you enough to have been able to smell the rat when she crawled her way in between us.

I do not blame you for hating me right now, and i loved you like no other, despite how feeble and hesitant i seemed. I was always like that. I never sought after what others would always need. For me, touch was enough comfort, at least until i could somehow steal you away from the so many we surrounded ourselves with during that year. But we rarely managed it, and when we did, my backbone failed me. More times than i can count i had wanted to intercept you. Stop you right there and then no matter if you were with me at the time or with some other. I wanted to show you just how much you meant to me. Back then it just seemed so hard. Like i had something to lose.. When i didn't even realize it was you because i didn't take those chances.


I don't want to make you feel bad, i just want you to understand that i never hated you, i never will hate you, i may have days where i can become so loud in my own little typing world that it feels like I've dragged the entire world in here with us.. But i never mean anything by it. Perhaps think of it as a moment when your childhood friend or mother upsets you, and all you do is wish harm on them, even for a second, no matter how minute or extreme, and when that moment has past, you realize how much you would have lost, and curse yourself for even thinking any of it.

You are such an innocent girl, so vibrant, so happy and so beautiful, and yet you still manage to hide all of this inside your heart and mind for so long. Strength and loyalty is a highly sought after thing.. and i wish i had even half as much as you do now.

I wish your heart finds peace and your mind a similar calm state. Such stress and mourning can leave marks long after such things have come to pass. I will always be here, checking back for you when i can no longer hold myself back.

The binge drinking may be bad though.. Maybe try separating yourself from those who influence you the most for a few days at a time, and then maybe a week.. the need will pass, and then the want, and I'm sure the voice is tied to those. I keep drinking to one night a year and even then its only a little. I had a bad case of binge drinking in my first two years of college and i still have the marks. Hairline fractures, ribs that were never set right and an unbelievable fear of vomiting and driving. I never ate while drinking, couldn't sleep while drinking and had to walk through the streets at around 4-6am due to a horrible sickly feeling id get the morning after.

Time away may do you and your mother some good. See if you two can get a break and go down to a beach along the coast. I recommend Chain of Lagoons, although i think they call it something else now, I'll get back to you on that.


Romeo.. I do love you, and i know the possibility of us again is almost equal to that of you and her again, but i am ever so content with our friendship, if even it can continue. If it can, may i begin to write you again? I miss your handwriting, and your previous letters are losing their "Romeo" smell.

Until next time, if at all possible.

Sierra.