See.. i never did love myself. never have, never will. and so.. sadly my best and worst trait is that i have extra love to give. when i give that love to someone.. haha its not leaving any time soon, as to why i made rules for my lovers. and so.. im caught like a snorkeler in his own net.
I am receding. i know i am. i still look into those eyes and want to grab her. i want to scream, scream it loud. but i cant. and i wont.
I will not do this.. i will not hurt what is left. i will love what we first had, why we began to talk. i will love her from afar, i shall laugh and smile with her, talk with her, listen, take her with me or follow her.. but i can never.. i can never do what i did. i can never hurt her again.
Ha im still confused as to how its her fault. i feel the guilt so thick. i feel my pulse constantly, cant stop crying, cant stop my stomach from flipping, my balance from failing, my mind from the one thing nor can i feel anything but this.
It must have been me, she was perfect to me in every way ha.. i had to have something wrong here. something so obvious to her, but hidden from myself.
They always leave. or i run. i run when i know i cant stop myself, or that i know more is coming. it will hurt more to stay.. wont it?
I want to leave. take a bag, some money and leave. i know Delta will never let me go.. she'd follow me to the ends of the earth and further if i needed it. wanted it.
Why cant i find such love she has for me, so wonderful, so simply, so pure, with someone else? why? because i tied myself to her. forever and more.. and i now breathe for it. for this.
I breath for her. completely and indefinitely, until she will have me no more.
Posted by
Sierra Lima Juliet Tango
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