And As She Opens Her Eyes...

It's strange.. I can't seem to get you out of my head these last few weeks.

I never really forgot you, it's just more so now.

I've become somewhat.. absent these last few years. To describe it better, I feel empty. Like there is nowhere for me now and nowhere for me to go. If I try and look ahead, all I see is failure or being stuck in a dead end job for the rest of my life. When I think of love, I see a lonely woman. I don't see myself dying of old age and I don't see children and grand children around me. I don't see me owning my own house or buying my own car let alone driving myself. It's odd when you think about it. I'm 22 years old and have had no life plan to strive towards.

If I had to give a reason to this I'd say I was depressed. But over what I am unsure.

Thankfully not many of the people in my life have realized this because I'm still very good at hiding my sadness. Not something to be proud of but until I get myself sorted, it's the best chance I have so as not to hurt those that know me.

All that said, when my head isn't full of thoughts of you, they are full of thoughts of my future, and despite how frustrated and upset I get thinking about it, I've already begun making plans to fix my future. The goals are still hazy but I know what I want, I just need to find ways of getting there.


On another note, due to thinking and worrying about you these past few weeks, I have taken up your tattoo request again. And with this new "look inside yourself" habit I have, I know why I never finished this sooner for you. I was worried it wouldn't be perfect. I found a solution though, I am going to give you multiples. Put down different ideas so you can pick or perhaps ask me to focus more time on your favorite out of them and the like. I think this way I will be able to finish them quite soon.

I would like a little help though, I know I came across it before and most probably asked you as well but for some reason all I remember is the year she became your angel. Would it be wrong of me to ask her birth date and passing date of you, for the banners? I'd like to try out some calligraphy but of course if you don't like the samples I send you, you can pick your own.



I was checking on your last post before I started this, and the time between posts scares me a little.. I'm not sure if hoping will do any good, but I do hope you return here every now and again. It was always our getaway and I do believe I'll be living here while I go through this rather panic filled reevaluation of myself, but of course if not then I'll leave the post for a while and simply forward it to your inbox.



I got sidetracked earlier, reading your last post. I kept scrolling. We had some difficult times didn't we? All that trouble caused by "the other girl" seemed to take up alot of our time haha.. There was so much more I wanted to learn about you and it seemed life had different plan. Despite that, I'd love to know what life handed you after school ended.

Perhaps I'll hear from you soon, perhaps not, but for what it's worth, I do miss you terribly. Seems I've been neglecting alot of my friends these last few years.