And As She Opens Her Eyes...

I'm having my dreams again. Most involve women ive known for only half a year, the others are a little more well known by me. Silly mind.

Ive seen a bit more love over the last few days.. its made me feel so much better, more so seen than ignored. im not sure if its a good thing though, without contact i thought more of my future, now with this my head is back in the past.

A before thought.


You left me as i left you, and i deserved it. I know that i put effort into conserving her heart before our own at first, and i let us wait. I lied to her because it seemed too hard to tell her we had been together a day earlier, and i answered to that not too long after. But i still waited. Waited for distances to grow and loss to diminish, for hearts to start healing and for tears to dry..

And yet, despite the fact that you and her waited less than a day, gave no compassion for the previous heart, nor for those id lean on, or the truth i held on to, despite the feeling that you two had been talking of and planning this even before your birthday, and the feeling of coldness that flooded through me as you sent me that inbox; i forgive you. i forgive the pain, the lies and the suddenness, all for the fact you seem happy.

I may have left that place for you, to give you a chance at school, to stop the need and want to see me even during your classes, to get a job and start saving for a place that i could take you to escape your mother and the judgmental eyes of those around, to give you a break to think about everything, to let you free, but i never told you of my plans did i? Mistake number one.

Never kissing you would be another, and never taking you home to the place i hated more than any other and would go to all kinds of extremes to stay away for longer would be yet another.

But i cannot fix that, and this i know. Im sorry you had to break me in order to love another, and im sorry i wasnt enough for you. but know now, and for every breath past this point, i will continue to think of you, continue to hope for you and continue to care, because a pure and innocent love like that is never easy to scrub out.


An after thought.


"It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."