And As She Opens Her Eyes...

We go through our lives being told over and over by people whom have lived or are living to never quit. To never give up on something you want. Something you need. If you want it, fight for it. If you love it, set it free; if it comes back, it was meant to be.
So what do we do when that thing, that person we want.. We love.. We need.. Doesn't want, love or need you anymore? How do we cut all those strings people and ourselves have helped thread between us, getting ready to tie us both together for the rest of our days and long after..? How do we move on from that?

I have loved. I do love. I hate to admit it but its there.
Once, when i was a little girl, i made a friend. The most unlikely of friends, with a girl, as small as me, as far into her classes as me, as odd as me. I felt alive, i finally did. That is where my memories started; because before then, nothing life changing had happened.
She had lovely red hair that was kept up in a ponytail of natural curls.. She had a smooth face that would break open often to the most amazing smile.. She was my other half for 5 years. We couldn't be separated, placed against each other, not even made to walk in a different pair of two's. I crawled through drain pipes with her.. After her. I helped her catch tadpoles and would visit nearly every day to watch them grow. I did not laugh when she blew out her candles before we finished singing, and when she didn't get a piece of her own cake, i sat under the tablecloth with her and shared my piece with her.

It was love. Of what kind i am, to this day, still unsure, but it was my kind of love. The kind i was never shown. Have never been shown.


"Release your inhibitions, feel the rain on your skin. No one else can feel it for you, only you can let it in."


I met a girl in one high school by accident.. I became friends with a special girl whom needed help with things and i didn't mind at all. First lunch at this school she walked over to another girl, and asked her, like me, to be her friend, then found me and introduced us. We weren't your typical kind of friends, i adored her, she was beautiful in every way, and she never wanted to see me hurt, always wanted me to be the best i could be.

More love, but the innocent kind.

Some of my girls were and are amazing.. to every little point.

I never want to lose them.

I never want to lose you, i never did.