She talked to me. both did. it helped, if only for the fact i needed her contact, but im still in pieces.
I had a reason, a plan of not to fall in love. i know that is something no one can promise ones self. i avoided it for years. i finally fell into the habit again and hurt her. twice. the first not so badly, i guess time helped there. the second was gutless me running with my tail between my legs.
So when she hurt me, when they got together the first time, i knew i deserved it. i deserved that entire stretch you shared with her. what hurt was seeing you hurt. and im sorry for that. i wished to save you. help you. love you.
I did love you, more than anyone i ever gave a second thought to. and i believed you loved me. i trusted you like i had no other, i looked at you like i had no other. i wished to build us a life, or at least give you space from everyone, from everything. the time and air i knew you needed, with no one to pester you but me, until even i was too much. then id simply step back. i would have kept you forever, forever safe and free. i would have made sure.
But it was not enough was it?
We had another try, and i believed you loved me, maybe even more than i loved you, and that is what made me wake up in the morning, that is what kept me smiling, made me gaze at you those long hours.
Im sorry i left you, but i left for you. i was looking ahead.
I dont hold it against you. i wont. i will forever love you. my heart may not be open for it as easily anymore but i will keep you, for my years and years to come.
I love you.
Dont let me go.
After all this time, its suddenly gone.
So tell me sweetheart.. Tell me again why you suddenly dont love me.
Im not a child, do not need it dumbed down into short, blunt sentences. I may act 10 at times, but i think fast, and think my age.
So tell me.
Was it me? Was it you? Or was it her.. The one you fought to be away from? And i want no lies. You owe me that much.
I love you Romeo. I do. And if you dont love me anymore, thats fine, but i would much rather you say that, than use a side excuse.
Been thinking about this for weeks? We've only been together the month this time.. So half of that was unwanted? Nice nice..
Just dont lie to me.
She is mine. I am hers.
I have waited for her for longer than i thought i had the courage for. I am not proud i have managed this, but i am glad i waited. I love her, and she knows this, at least i hope she as an idea of it, of how much i love her, how much i will do for her. I know this is said in most if not all relationships, but Romeo, i would not say such things unless they were true.
I get disappointed some times.. Your last does not help. She needs to make everything difficult. She's moving now yes, or so she says, but she makes a big deal about it..
She says she loves you, still, and is upset that she isn't the one making you happy anymore. And now she tells me she has loved me since only a few weeks after we met, and is also upset that she isn't the one making me happy. She keeps bringing this up and it frustrates me. I know i myself have liked more than one person at once, but that was simply because the ones i would fall for, seemed wrong to me, or that it would never work. So i tried to get away from that, i'd meet new people, forget the others, learn to love all over again. I've grown since then and i know just how much love one person can give at any one time. And so, she cannot keep claiming to love us both at the same time, you more so, and then go on about others she likes, and even more still.. It just doesn't.. Shouldn't work like that.
So our newly 16 y.o friend's son has been born. His poor mother will be exhausted for months, if not years to come. Do you think all this will go well? Parenthood at such a young age for them both? I know he will be looked after, but will they be able to handle it for long enough?
No more school for me. My resume has gone out, and i should take it out to more places soon, but i've never been one to apply at too many places at once, if i got call backs, and had to choose.. I'd pull my hair out for days.
"The concrete boots he wears, make it hard to reach the air."
I need an out. Just space.. I want to write, to put my imagination down on paper. Sarah Waters has wormed her way back into my head, making me want to write even more. But would i get anywhere? Would it be read, liked, sold?
I'm told i'm a heart breaker.. Both in my stories and in matters of the heart. I've already broken yours.. But i hope never to do it again. Such a thing is hard to promise because a heart can break in many different ways.
I love you x
For our forever x
I'm glad it is all sorted. there shouldn't be any more drama.. it seems too good to be true so i'm naturally doubtful that it will always be drama free, but i don't mean with us, i know that can't always be smooth but it will be better. i mean with them. with her in particular. she's back to thinking about Jamie again.. and yet only last night was going on and on about whom she liked. no. i don't think it will be alright for long on her end.. but i think it will pass. that is something i'm sure of. she will get better.
I still have your heart, and i have kept it safe dear, and i don't feel like giving it up any time soon :) x
I will take you to your colourful place for the day, and i will help keep it peaceful while we are there. it is all we need right now.
I will steal you, both mentally and physically. you will be completely mine, and i completely yours, for as long as you wish.
Me too Romeo, the warm flutters are indeed back. and i've missed them. what has brought them back is the thought you still want me, after what i did to you, you still wish for me as i wish for you. it near killed me the first time around, for them to leave. they remind me i have a heart. but now i know they'll always be there for as long as you are too x
You will give me company, and i will give you mine. one day. soon maybe. from now, until then.
I don't think i will stay for the rest of the year.. but if i don't, i will start earning money, save up and move out. how much easier it would be for us to see each other then. oh it would be so much better.
I do love you Romeo. with everything i have. and i will wait for you. no matter how impatient others become; i will wait. until your head and heart have had time to clear. and if, after they clear, whom you see is not me, i will not make a fuss, complain, scream, as long as you still remain in my life as my close friend.
If only xx
So shes caught on. she knows how i feel for her, and now wishes ill on me. and yet i was fine with it when they were together? who's the bigger man now?
We will hide it, at least for a while, just until you feel better about it. i wish i knew how to keep my feelings out of conversations.. ill get better. so she knows the feelings are there, but seems to have settled for now. i wonder what will happen next.
Your Juliet, my Romeo xx
Where would you like to go my dear? where there are the colours, fresh air and peace you deserve..
Steal you? really? truely? ive been waiting for your permission x
Life, colour, smiles i can do, just promise to keep them?
I will fly you where ever you want me to. To the clouds, to the stars, around the planets and through the universe. where ever you want to go, ill take you there, in mind, heart or body x
I always loved you.
Romeo..
I hear her lies and i hear of her lies. each and every time i try hard not to speak my mind, to jump down her throat or grab her collar and shake some sense into her. lies.. lies are dreadful. yes i lie, but i lie only for the sake of sparing someone. i know the difference between when a lie will hurt more than the truth and when the truth is much better. but she seems to do it all because she's bored.
I hate it.
To be alone helps, most times. the problem is that when you are alone, you crave company, and when you have someone, you crave solitude. it becomes confusing, but its much better when you find that someone that you want to keep close, that you both can be alone together.
Love.. i understand what you want because i need someone to understand the same. love is all i want, the extra is just extra, its not a constant thing you need, its not what makes your heart beat when nothing else works. love. love is what gets you up in the morning, makes you smile, crave to see someone, and where just seeing someone can be enough. to see them, hear them, smell them, touch them. love is what makes you live. helps you live. it is why we live.
I will hold you, and i will comfort you. it was all a nightmare my dear, and it doesn't have to come back, it never has to come back. you are awake now and its so much easier to see when you're awake.
I love your writing, and i will wait, for how ever long you want me to wait. x
My clothes, my chair, my walls, my roof, this air.. it is all stifling.. i cannot seem to breathe, and i dont know why.. it is like ive been cut free from something, someone has let me out of my cage, taken the pressure off me, but too suddenly and now im floating too high, or sinking.. i cannot decide.. all i know is im smiling. im happy. not on the outside. no its all inside my heart. part of her has been released and now part of me has also been let go. it makes me look at everything longer, im taking notice of people, of the little things, the emotions, the body language, the way they pass things to and fro.. im interested. im finally interested in how the rest are. this is a good thing. a very good thing. thankyou.
He wants to make my dreams come true. but i see my dreams already, and not one of them seem to involve him.. how do you tell someone that?
Oh Romeo.. how long it seems ive waited for you to be free again. i want you to be able to breathe freely, move without being followed if it is what you wish.. i want you to feel better.
Do you feel better?
Romeo..
I may not be a knight in shining armor, but i will be your idiot in tin foil. I will save you, however you want me to, each and every time you need me.
I will give you reason again, i will give you a less troublesome mind to swim through, may it be my mind or yours. I will give you my heart, so you can forget your own for a time, forget the lies, the pain she brings on you.
I will help you forget her, and make new memories, even if it is only for an hour, just to stop the pain, the sadness, the bad feelings i can see on your face and hear in your voice.. I will help you. I will.
I will save you, if it is what you want.
Tell me.
Romeo..
