And As She Opens Her Eyes...

I think about you. Too much.

I think about what might have been, what is now.

I think about what has changed, if you still want to be a nurse, or would stop me from leaving.

I wonder if you ever read this anymore and just don't post back, like the entries your bf told me you read together.

I wonder if i ever haunt you, in waking or in dreaming, or if you ever forgave me, or believed that i forgave you.

There is such distance now, not only from you and i, but from my other friends, or old friends, as well.

I'm curious if you ever listen to "If Only" or any of the other songs we talked about.

I hope you're spending the majority of your days laughing and not crying.

I wonder if you ever wrote to me again, but never sent it, just as i have done. The envelopes still sit at the bottom of my draw.

Better yet, do you ever read my replies again? I know i read yours for a while, but had to stop because i could smell you a the more through them.

Did you ever want your key back?

Midnight blubbering. Best title ever.


I feel, cut off. Like.. Not a soul knows me anymore, or remembers me. I wonder if it is fixable.




We have new girls at work. Alot of new girls. Even an old friend's sister is on the list. I feel sorry for the girl. It seems she's picked on by total strangers because of her family. Alot of the girls are older than me. Im worried.



One kitten is gone, Ginger. I'm hoping she looks after him, he is such a lovely cat. Now there is only the lovely black kitten ive nicknamed Twi and the temperamental tortoise shell female. She takes after her mother.


---

If I had words to make a day for you, I'd sing a morning golden & true I would make this day last for all time then fill the night deep with moonshine

If I could make a day for you I'd give you a morning golden & true I would make this day last for all time.. then fill the night deep with moonshine.

---


I'm sick. Very sick.

I'm under weight, and still dropping. This is not a case of counting or vomiting or starving myself. This is a case where my body is so badly screwed up and spun around that i can eat and eat and i still lose it.

I'm scared.

I have never been this small for my height, and it's taking its tole.

I cant walk far, run at all or even stand without fainting or coming close to it most days. I've had an incident at work already and come close to the same a few more times.

My body is eating itself.






I need sleep. Badly. Notte.